strong

she fell for him
she fell for his kind and polite ways
she fell for his humbleness
she fell for his smart ways
she fell for him
hoping that he's the right guy

and he fell for her

but not everything is perfect
after their third child
he started to change
he is no longer his old self
he changed into someone he's not
he started yelling
he started shouting
he started hurting

she cried thinking of him

she doesn't have anyone to talk to
she doesn't have anyone to share stories with
she feels vulnerable
she feels insecure
she feels lonely
she's sad for not having anyone
she just needs someone who could hear all her stories
she faced too much
and kept it all by herself
she's just in need of someone who could accept her
accept her opinions
she's sad
and angry
and hurt
all at the same time

but she's strong

she tries to stay strong
and patient
for as long as she could

but God knows till when

aiha

(untitled)

asyik benda yang sama diulang
ulang dan ulang dan ulang

memang betul apa yang diperkatakan
memang tak boleh dinafikan

tapi kalau asyik berpegang dengan konsep tu
sampai bila nak selfish
tak boleh terima apa yang orang cakap
selalu anggap orang takkan faham diri

dunia macam mana pun kena ingat mesti selari dengan seruan Allah

aiha

concept

i like watching the stars
one of the things i find calming

the way they twinkle and sparkle
dead but alive

i also like staring up at the moon
just magnificent

the way it shines
illuminating the dark night sky

every time i look up at the night sky
watching the moon and the stars

right that moment
i wish you'd be doing the same

though not together
the moon and the stars would always remain

far apart but yet so close
i just love the concept

aiha

i can't

sometimes i try
not that i don't
but i do
and it's difficult for me
i'm not asking
for much

i'll admit
i'm not much of it either
and i'm sorry
i'd like to say
thank you
but i'm also sorry
i'm just sorry for everything

i do feel guilty
honestly
i always do
and that's just the problem
i'm no good
in stuffs like this
i just can't

aiha

#8 surprisingly

The snow was getting heavier by day. But I was starting to go out more frequently despite the weather. I just enjoy the white snow and the calmness it provides me. I spent most of my ample time, at the usual cafe or out at the park, although I'm one who gets cold easily.

But it seemed like today was one of those light snowing days. So I decided to take my hoodie instead of my coat along. I'm sure it would be fine. As I arrived at the park, I walked to my usual tree. I placed a piece of cloth I always use as a mat on the soft snow and sat on it. I took out my sketchbook and started working on my next sketch. As I was working on my drawing, a sudden gush of winter air came, blowing. I pulled my hoodie closer to my body as I was beginning to get cold.

"Should've brought your coat."

I rolled my eyes, knowing better the owner of the voice. I remained quiet and continued drawing, trying to ignore. He walked up next to me and sat on the snow.

"I know what you're doing. Believe me. You're not gonna stand it."

"Ugh, you are so stressful." I couldn't think of any other way to express my frustration. I turned to face him, who was playing with the rim of his jacket idly. "How is it possible that I've never seen you in school before?"

"You're just ain't lucky."

"Lucky?" I scoffed, in disbelief. How is that lucky?

Another gush of cold air came blowing, making me froze in my place. I could see him pulling his jacket closer to him from the corner of my eyes. I was resisting the urge to pull him close and cover every space between us as the air is killing me. I just realised the snow was getting heavier and started to panic. Oh no, it can't happen again. Despite the killing cold air, I stood up on my feet and decided to make a move. I placed my bag on my shoulder and started walking. I could feel his gaze burning behind my back.

As I was halfway to the gate of the park, my hands started to tremble. Oh no. Not happening. Not happening. A little bit more. Just a little bit. I was starting to feel my head spinning and it was getting harder to walk. I was starting to see stars and the last thing I remembered was falling into something like falling from the sky and landing on a cloud.

I peeled my eyes open and the first thing that came to view was the ceiling fan in my room. I glanced around and realised that I was actually in my room. I was in bed with the same clothes i wore yesterday. I was trying to recall everything that happened, but only remembered pieces of them. I remembered passing out...but something else happened. And how did I reach home?

Okay now, what freaking happened?

aiha

broken

she's tired of crying
she's tired of being miserable
and sad
she plugs in her earphones
plays her favourite songs
with the highest volume on
wanting to shut the world around her
and stay in the secret world of hers
she tries to push all the unnecessary away
and focus on what is
she's tired of games
and she doesn't want to play no more
she's tired of falling
and she's had it with 'em
she feels vulnerable
and insecure
and wishes for security
safety
certainty
and protection
and care
she's hurt and scarred
not being able to be fixed
and mended
stuck in being broken
and maybe
just maybe
she's not tired of being broken

anis.

unsure

no idea as to why is it so easy to fall
falling and crumbling into little pieces
not knowing how to put them back together

the walls that were built to surround and to protect
came crashing down
leaving only bits of its remains

anis.