The air was cold and it was quite breezy. With only the moon illuminating the dark night sky, I walked along the road, reminiscing about the past. The night was silent. Everyone was most probably asleep already. Well, obviously, it was 2 in the morning. I walked as I hummed a tune that had been playing in my mind ever since that day.
It had been a tiring day, honestly. I was exhausted. But my eyes just couldn't shut. I wasn't sure how but I decided to have a walk in the cool night. I walked as I plugged in my earphones and played my favourite playlist. Our favourite playlist. So many things were playing in my mind that I had no longer keep track of what I was thinking. Nothing specific really. The pictures coming keep changing by second. I just went with it, knowing that my mind just won't stop. Even when I'm sleeping, They keep coming in form of dreams.
It was always like this. I wouldn't be able to go to sleep, I'd put on my coat and walk out in the streets alone, taking in the fresh cold air and play the pictures in my head.
It was like a routine or like an automatic gesture, I'd stop in front of the same shop everytime. I stopped and practically skipped to the middle of the road. I bent my knees and laid down on the road. I spread my arms outwards and stared up at the sky. Thousands of stars twinkling in the night sky. I don't know how, but this is the only thing that could calm me. One of the only things I have left of him. And like always, I started reciting the sentence.
"Like a black canvas, sprinkled with - "
" - sparkly glitter dust."
Out of the corner of my eyes, I saw his body lowering down as he started to lie down next to me.
"Hey."
"Hi."
A comfortable silence crept between us as we stared up at the sky, mesmerized my the beauty of the dark night sky and its twinkling stars and illuminating moon. It was like this nearly every night since that day.
"Aren't you tired?"
"A little bit. But what can I do? My eyes just won't close."
Another silence crept between us. It lasted for a few seconds before he broke the silence.
"Remember when I told you why I like looking at the stars?"
I smiled. I could and would never forget it.
" 'Decades can pass, centuries even, people could move to other places, people can die and change and be lost, everything could change, but the stars would always stay the same. Although they are actually dead, they still sparkle and twinkle, showing life. It's like they're really the only reliable thing in life.' "
I could see the corners of his mouth tugged upwards as I repeated the same sentence for the god knows how many time. It was like a a chant I keep repeating on nights like this.
"Look at me."
I was shocked. No. I can't. Why is he asking me to do that?
"What? No. You know I can't. Please give me more time. Please," I was begging then. "I just need to hear your voice. Please."
I was at the edge of crying as I replayed the scene of the nights before in my mind.
"It's okay," he paused before saying. "I promise. I promise not this time. I promise. Just please look at me."
I just couldn't do it. I'm not strong enough. I could feel the tears forming. The tears started to fall from the corner of my eyes. It would always end like this. Every time. Every night.
I could feel his gaze burning the side of my face. Just one glance. Just maybe.
I slowly turned my face to my right. Slowly, a centimetre by every second. And that night, it finally happened. It finally changed. I could see his dark blue eyes, looking concerned as ever. His mouth formed into a small smile.
"I told you."
His hand moved to reach my face. He wiped the tears with his finger. I could feel his touch on my skin. He caressed my cheek with his warm hand. I miss the warmth his hands always provide. I closed my eyes, cherishing the night. It's not gonna be long.
I felt his hand move as the cool air replaced the the warmth his hand had offer. If it was possible, I'd never open my eyes. But I know, I just had to accept it. So I opened my eyes.
And he was gone. Gone with the wind.
anis.
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